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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28563753">Clean Up in Aisle 69</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon'>uofmdragon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>CC Trope Bingo [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Grocery Store, Alternate Universe - Professors, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, One thinks the other is straight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:26:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28563753</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil has been lusting after Professor Barton for years, but 1) Clint is a professor, 2) he's seeing Natasha, and 3) he straight.   What Phil doesn't realize is that only one of these things is true.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clint Barton/Phil Coulson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>CC Trope Bingo [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1490282</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Clint/Coulson Trope Bingo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Clean Up in Aisle 69</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for CCTropeBingo.  Beta by weepingnaiad</p>
<p>Trope: One thinks the other is straight<br/>AU: Professor<br/>AU: Grocery Store</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Phil sighed as he watched one of the regulars walk around the store with his partner.  Clint and Natasha were probably the two sexiest people that came to Coulson's Grocery.  They were of course together.  Phil only saw Natasha when she was with Clint, though Clint did come in alone often enough.</p>
<p>Clint was…  Well, the first thing Phil noticed was that the man was gorgeous with muscular arms and a tight ass.  Phil had fallen in lust at first sight, but Clint was the type that talked to every single one of Phil's employees. He knew all of their names and introduced himself.  He'd been coming in about two years and, in that time, Phil had learned that Clint was a professor of Medieval weaponry, knew how to use most of the weaponry, apparently participated in reenactments (Phil had to pull himself away from remembering the day that Clint had wondered in to grab a 12 pack of beer in <i>tights</i>), shopped for his neighbors, watched trashy tv like Dog Cops (and would seek Phil out after a new episode to talk with him about theories), and had a wicked sense of humor.  Also, while Clint had never said anything, he was clearly straight as evidenced by his girlfriend, Natasha, who would join Clint on their shopping trips.  </p>
<p>He watched as they turned down the aisle and then shook his head.  "Leo, time for your break."</p>
<p>"Thanks Phil," Leo said, closing down his register.  Phil hopped on to one in the middle, the one that, unless all the lanes were open, was only used by him. Phil flipped the light on and got to work, checking out Mrs. Juarez, followed by the whole Lavi family. He made polite chit chat and cleaned up the impulse items in his lang when no one was in line.  With five minutes left of Leo's break, Clint and Natasha stepped into his aisle.</p>
<p>"Hey Phil," Clint greeted as he loaded up the belt with groceries.  "How's life?"</p>
<p>"Fine," Phil said.  "And yourself?"</p>
<p>"Can't complain," Clint replied.  "Got all the classes I wanted to teach."</p>
<p>"Good for you," Phil said.  "And, Natasha, how are you doing?"</p>
<p>Natasha had a perpetual smirk on her face, at least, as far as Phil could tell.  She always appeared vaguely amused by something.  What, Phil could never figure out, but it was there. "Oh, I'm doing just fine. My favorite show came out with a new episode."</p>
<p>"Oh?" Phil asked.  "Dog Cops?"</p>
<p>"Nah, Tasha is too highbrow for that," Clint said.</p>
<p>"Oh, no, it's one of those dramedies.  They're so dramatic it's amusing," Natasha explained, before taking a sip of her iced drink.</p>
<p>"What's it called?" Phil asked.</p>
<p>"I forget it's name," Natasha said, tilting her head.</p>
<p>Phil glanced over at Clint to see his eyes narrowing as he looked at his partner.</p>
<p>"But currently, the protagonists are head over heels in love with each other, but neither of them are willing to admit it to the other," Natasha said.</p>
<p>Phil hummed.  "Sounds like a lot of shows."</p>
<p>"It does, doesn't it?" Natasha said, taking another sip of her drink. "Anyway, the best friend character is getting sick and tired of it and is thinking of ways to just get past the unresolved sexual tension."</p>
<p>"Tasha," Clint said, warningly. </p>
<p>"I don't mind hearing about her shows," Phil said, trying to diffuse the situation. "I mean, she's been a great girlfriend to you and patiently lets us talk Dog Cops all the time."</p>
<p>"Well, yeah…" Clint said, before being splashed with liquid.  Both men turned to look at Natasha, holding the empty cup in her hand.  Phil felt his jaw drop open.</p>
<p>"What the hell, Nat?" Clint exclaimed.</p>
<p>"I'm breaking up with you!" Nat exclaimed with far more emotion in her voice than Phil had ever heard.  "For cheating on me with… Steve!"</p>
<p>"With Steve?" Clint repeated, looking and sounding confused.  </p>
<p>"I should have known that my strap on wasn't good enough for you and that this "bi" thing was just a phase until you could find a man to shove his dick up your ass!"</p>
<p>Clint's confusion turned to horror.  "I…? What?"</p>
<p>With that Natasha turned on her heel and strode out of the grocery store.  Poor Leo, who was returning from his break, literally dove out of her way, staring at her back as she left.</p>
<p>"I never cheated on her with Steve!" Clint said, looking at Phil. "Nat and I haven't been together since we got drunk that one after finals freshman year!"</p>
<p>"Okay," Phil said, completely confused.</p>
<p>Clint looked torn, considering chasing after Natasha and staying there.  He patted his pockets.  "Fuck! She has the keys."  He pushed past the cart and bolted for the door.  Phil stared after him.  He shook his head and then went to eye the mess that Natasha had created. She'd been lucky, mostly hitting Clint and not splattering too much on the merchandise that lined the aisle.  Jemma was already there with a bucket and Leo with some rags. The three of them began cleaning with Phil taking the time to clean the items on the belt that had gotten hit.  </p>
<p>They were still working when Clint returned, cell phone in hand.  "She took off on me and no one is answering their phone."</p>
<p>"I can give you a ride," Phil offered without really thinking about it.</p>
<p>"You sure?" Clint asked.  </p>
<p>"Yeah," Phil said.  "You've walked here, you can't live too far, right?"</p>
<p>"Ran, but yeah," Clint agreed.</p>
<p>"I'll run you home and come back," Phil said, going around to start ringing Clint up. "Leo and Jemma will be fine for a few minutes." </p>
<p>"We got this," Leo said, pulling a magazine off the rack that was damaged.</p>
<p>"You sure?" Clint asked, taking the magazine from Leo and throwing it in with stuff.</p>
<p>"You don't have to get that," Phil said, reaching to take it off the belt.</p>
<p>"Yes, Natasha does," Clint said.  "Let me know, if there's anything else that's damaged.  I'll add it to her share of the groceries."</p>
<p>"Thanks, Professor Barton," Jemma said, pushing the mop out of the way.  "I think I got the floor."</p>
<p>"Thank you, Jemma, and thank you, Clint," Phil said.  Jemma directed the next customers to her aisle as Leo continued with the racks.   He hesitated, before asking.  "So… you're not together with Natasha?"</p>
<p>"No, never was.  She's more like a sister. We're neighbors now, in and out of the office.  Our departments share a floor.  We were roommates, but she met Bucky and they moved in and the house next door went up for sale, so I bought it.  Steve, Bucky's best friend lives behind me, and we kind of take care of one another, but I'm single and bi, she didn't lie about that."</p>
<p>Phil nodded.</p>
<p>"And I would never think that because someone is nice to me while they're working that it means he would be interested in me, so if he was, he'd need to make the first move."</p>
<p>Phil paused, glancing at Clint, who was staring at him intently. "Um…"</p>
<p>Clint smiled, glancing away.  "No worries, just wanted to put that out there."</p>
<p>Phil nodded and gave Clint his total. Clint paid him and they headed out to Clint's car to find Melinda walking in.</p>
<p>"What are you doing here?" Phil asked.</p>
<p>"Got an SOS, Daisy said you needed to leave early," Melinda said.  She glanced at Barton and smiled.  "Didn't tell me why."</p>
<p>Phil made a face.  He was just going to run Clint home and come right back.  </p>
<p>Melinda didn't respond, but continued past them, patting Clint's shoulder.  "Be gentle with him, it's been a long time."</p>
<p>Phil felt himself blush as he looked at Clint, who was staring at him. "I think we need to go tell her that we're not… I mean, I don't really want to get splashed again as someone fake breaks up with me."</p>
<p>"I'll tell her when I get back," Phil said.  "No dumping of drinks on you again."</p>
<p>"Thank you," Clint said.</p>
<p>They soon had the car loaded with Clint's groceries and were on the road. </p>
<p>"So…" Clint said.  "Does this mean you're off work?"</p>
<p>"Apparently so," Phil said with a shrug.</p>
<p>"I've never run into you when you're off work," Clint said.</p>
<p>"Don't go out much," Phil said.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Clint agreed.  "We could do something together?"</p>
<p>You're a professor, I'm a grocer," Phil said.  "I…"</p>
<p>"You perform a service to the community that is necessary and frankly, your last name is Coulson.  Pretty sure that you own that store.  Also your parent's pictures are on the wall, I met your mom last summer."</p>
<p>"We're from two very different worlds."</p>
<p>"Yeah, you grew up in a family with a nice house and I was orphaned at age 6 with abandonment and anger issues, which I thankfully worked out."</p>
<p>Phil frowned.  "What does that have to do with anything?"</p>
<p>"That's the two different worlds, right?  Or you referring to the grocer and professor thing?"</p>
<p>"The grocer and professor…"</p>
<p>"Because if I'm being honest, it's as dumb as what I said."  Clint said.  "Stop here. This is my place."</p>
<p>Phil came to a stop and got out to help Clint with his bags. They were able to bring them all inside in one trip.  Clint had a large kitchen space and they set the bags on the counter, before Phil moved to leave.  Clint caught him by the arm.</p>
<p>"I like you a lot," Clint said.  "Won't mention this again, when I come in the store, but I'd like to make you dinner.  I'd like for it to be a date. What do you say, Phil?"</p>
<p>Phil blinked, before nodding.  "Okay."</p>
<p>"Okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'll stay for dinner." He wanted to after all.</p>
<p>Clint smiled.  "Let me go change."  He gestured toward his still damp shirt, which clung to his muscles.  </p>
<p>"Looks good on you," Phil replied.</p>
<p>Clint leaned in and for a moment Phil thought he was going to be kissed, but Clint stopped.  "Date first.  After…"</p>
<p>Phil smiled as he agreed. "After."</p>
<p>Clint backed away and stripped the shirt off.  Phil gave into temptation and looked his fill.  Clint slipped away, yelling back.  "There's beer in the fridge if you want one."</p>
<p>"That's not what I want," Phil called back.</p>
<p>There was a bit of a crash.</p>
<p>"You okay?"</p>
<p>"Fine!" Clint called back.  "Wasn't expecting you to go all flirty on me!"</p>
<p>"Does that bother you?"</p>
<p>"No," Clint said.</p>
<p>Phil smiled to himself as he waited for Clint reappear.  "Wait, was her favorite show us?"</p>
<p>Clint came around the corner.  "Yep, she's going to be fucking smug that drenching me with coffee worked."</p>
<p>"Is that why she's always smirking?" Phil asked.</p>
<p>"Because she's inwardly laughing at my inability to flirt with you, yes. Definitely yes."  He eyed Phil for a moment, before taking a deep breath.  "Dinner."</p>
<p>"Dinner," Phil agreed.  "I can help chop?  I usually buy premade meals from our deli."</p>
<p>Clint made a face, before sighing. "Probably why your store has the best premade meals."</p>
<p>"Never know when the boss is going to buy one," Phil agreed.  "Keeps the quality good."</p>
<p>Clint nodded, before dropping into a whine.  "But you have all that good produce! And you have a fishmonger come in!"</p>
<p>"But I have no idea how to cook that stuff!" Phil said, echoing his tone.</p>
<p>Clint grinned.  "I could teach you."</p>
<p>"I'd like that, actually," Phil admitted, surprising himself with just how true that was. "Where do we start?"</p>
<p>"First, we clean the kitchen," Clint said.</p>
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